Monday, June 30, 2008

Well, I Forgot To Write Today

MY BAD.

I got caught up watching Arrested Development Season 1. Then I started watching Land of The Dead and listening to music. Damnation. I can't believe I forgot to document my day. Tommorrow shall be a great documentation of a day, I tell you that and written well! Nothing happened today. i heard from nobody. I woke up at 2 and have done nothing since, so, yep. I'm in a real zombie mood. I think tommorrow I shall watch Day of the Dead and poss. Dawn of the Dead, originals of course. So, yeah. I'm going to go chill out and finish Land of the Dead. Tommorrow: Awesome reading, aight? Also, I've fixed up some of the colors here already. My mission is to get rid of those bars around the banner up at top and do something better. I think the colors are brilliant. Also, when I start a band I'm so calling it Lewis And The News. Suck it, Huey, Suck it. Hmm... Maybe I am in the mood for blogging tonight? Listening to..The Coldplayers...as usual. They get me in a good mood. I was feeling like I wouldn't want to do this blog anymore, honestly I was. I thought it wasn't going to be good. But just changing up the colors to match really made me think it all over. I'm going to start reading a book tommorrow. I've got a book shelf full of them I haven't read. Maybe...A Conneticut Yankee In King Arthur's Court? It looks like a good one. Or maybe so Sherlock Holmes? Prehaps Brave New World? Bah, I need to start reading again. Tonight's entry is not going to be up to par with the greatness of what will be tommorrows. BACK AGAIN! I did it! I made the border disapear! Huzzah! I'm going to work on a better banner to fit with the page, prehaps a new color background aswell?!


SORRY ABOUT TODAY,
Lewis

Sunday, June 29, 2008

A Quick Announcement

HELLO ALL.

I've had what alcoholics call "a moment of clarity". To me this blog has no style, no ping. So, after watching This American Life and reading about all that jazz, it's made me decide to develop a better format. Of course I shall keep my monolouge, ax me a question, etc. etc. But I shall pick a topic of my day, something that's made me think and that day's blog shall be "based" around that. For example, if I heard a great song, I would let the majority of the blog be on music. I will always keep up on my filming updates. Don't be suprised if you see a whole blog about what happened when I was shooting the docu. I'm going to give this blog a little more of a original design, for starters. I'll be working on this today, and expect a brilliant blog tonight on something brilliant. It's still going be me, people. And remember...

IT'S MORPHIN' TIME,
Lewis

P.S: I'd so be the Red Ranger.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

If I Were To Kill Someone?

I GOT IT ALL PLANNED OUT.

So, for tonight's monolouge I shall speak about my murder plans. This is what I would do. If I'd kill someone it would require 2 things. 1) It's a chick. 2) They live up in a apartment building. Those are required. So I plan it out. She gets in the elevator, I ask for her to hold the door for me. "Thanks". She presses 10 , I press 9. We stands waiting, no one gets on or off, just us. DING! It's 9. I get off, but when the doors are about to close I flash a knife and wink at her. She's scared shitless. I run up the flight of stairs and meet her as the elevator doors open up with knife in hand. She would have been scared shitless this whole time. I would sabotage somethings to make sure nothing could get in my way. But hey! That's how I would kill my victim!

LET"S START THE BLOG!

TODAY WAS THE DAY. We started shooting. It...didn't go as planned. I missed breakfast because I slept in because my alarm didn't go off. Blargh. So I'm half asleep in bed it's around 10 or so, my alarm is saying like 4 in the morning. I find out the power went off for like a minute in the middle of the night around 2 AM or something. Anyway. So, I'm half asleep and rolling back over and then DING DONG. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK..KNOCK KNOCK! I jump up and roll over, throw on a t-shirt, yes I only sleep in my boxers, and scurry down the hall. I make it to the door and open it half groggy. And Kurt is holding a camera, Chris behind him, Gwen behind him. I look like shit and I'm in no mood no matter what day it is. I'm not a morning person, my friends. I only open the screen door for them and walk to the couch. I tell them to turn the camera's off which they did, thank God. They go on saying they've called me about 10 times during the morning...and they did. I felt like a douchebag. They had already eaten and I was hungry as hell. So I made some food, but I changed first into some soft, warm, pajamma bottoms. I made some bacon and that was it. About 7 slices. Had some milk too. Then I chugged a Pepsi. I did lal of that in about 10 minutes. I drink/eat fast as hell, man. Gwen kept me company as I ate while the boys set up their shit. Then I hopped in the shower because they had to do something with my clip on mic. I took a QUICK shower. Like 2 minutes. Got out and dried off, got dressed and looked damn spiffy. I opted for a yellow/black flannel shirt with sleeves rolled up for sure. And some jeans. Then I sat down in my living room, did a beard check, made sure my beard was beardy as it was. They clipped me, got me in frame. And then I talked for 3 hours straight infront of a camera. It was wonderfull. I felt sort of shy at first, then I thought "What Would Beard Do?" and warmed up to it. They had me talking about why I wanted to get into comedy. What I do all day and my reply was "I do nothing all day long." in dead seriousness which caused Chris to burst out laughing. We all ended up laughing. I got to show them my famous notebook which I carry around with me alot. It's got everything in there. Ideas, jokes, drawrings. Chris really did most of the interviewing while Kurt maintained the audio and camera. This went on for a while, like I said the interview was 3 hours long. Then we did some shots about me in my room, the rest of the house, etc. etc. Then I did something brave. I showed them this very blog. Kurt and Gwen were like "Wow...you kept track of this whole past week, huh?" and Chris was laughing his ass off he was reading some of the entrys. He thought they were fantastic. Or mantastic. We goofed off all day with the camera. I showed them some stuff. They did some exterior shots of me riding on my bike through my neighborhood. It was pretty cool how it all went down. At around 4 30 or so, Kurt had to take off and Gwen left with him. Chris had shit to do so we opened up some beers. Man, we had a great time. Just chilling. Turns out...he likes Coldplay too! Anyway, we ordered a pizza and watched Pulp Fiction. It was great. Then he took off at around 7 and I was left all alone..not to mention tired. I had hardly got maybe 3 hours of sleep yesterday and only got around 6 today. So I went back to bed and slept for about 2 hours and I woke up and everything feels all wierd. Like..it's another day. So I decided I need to document my day and hear I am world. Hear I am.

i hope heath ledger get a oscar
nomination for the joker
he better
or else
NOW I'M JUST SITTING BACK. And enjoying stuff. I watched Diggnation and iFanboy. DN was great, very funny. iFanboy was good since, I could give a shit about Wanted. That comic is just terrible. Mark Millar is the Chuck Palihinuk or comic books. Plus I bet he's a real douchebag in real life. I'd love to start a podcast. Hm...This is bringing me into ponder things. I know I could do that shit, man. I could do it. Oh yeah, I've got to do this shit.

Technorati Profile

IT'S FOR SOME BLOG SITE THING SO PEOPLE WILL READ THIS SHIT. Yeah, I don't know how people read blogs. I guess they just do? So, I got the hankering to listen to a ole favorite of mine, The Darkness. I only like one song of theirs, then again that's all I've heard but I love it. It's "Do You Believe In A Thing Called Love?" And it's right up my alley. However the band broke up in 06. I thought Justin Hawkins was the most important guy in the group, the rest of the band can be replaced. But Justin has a new thing and the rest of The Darkness started a new band, Stone Gods, they sound nothing like The Darkness' retro-awesomness, but I'll try them. Anyway, Velvter Revolver broke up a few months ago, well Weiland got kicked. I could give a shit about him compared to who they are looking at for replacements. CHRIS FUCKING CORNELL. Oh, and Shooter Jennings(he's cool) among a few other people like Lenny Kravitz who would be okay. I hope to GOD they get Chris Cornell. The man has the Midas Touch. I was pissed when Audioslave broke up but maybe it was for the best...so we can get Velvet Revolvernell? I think it's going to be badass. Then again.. God can give a sign of Jesus' second coming and have the original line up for Guns N Roses re-unite. *sigh*

AX ME A QUESTION:
This one comes from Chris...
What is your favorite booze?
I
love wine coolers and anything fruity. I'm exactly like JD from Scrubs.
Yep, I love Appletinis.

I LOVE THE SOUP ON E!. It's a great program, really funny. Love Joel McHale, he's freaking hilarious and I'm watching it right now. It's just a great program. Really it is. But I hate these dumbass kids they make fun of from The Hills. Those FUCKING motherfuckers piss me off so much. I hate how MTV's declined. They don't even fucking show music. Fuck. If I ever make a few billion dollars I'm going to buy MTV and just fucking...play music all day. Bring back headbanger's ball and have someone like...maybe Andrew WK host it? He'd be pretty good. I'm not a fan of his music but he does channel the classic headbanger. I would play classic music mixed with new good shit too, like Soundgarden followed by Coldplay followed by something good. I'm not too hip into current music, mostly because it's terrible. I like Sara Barenillis, I think she's going to have a phenomal career. Infact, I'm going to get her album real quick. Also, I wouldn't play shit like Tool or Linkin Park. Just...good shit, man. Good shit lolly pop. This makes me want to focus on music for a minute. Like about music sharing. I'm for it. You can't stop it anymore this is how the industry will work now, and I think it is going to be for the good. We're not going to get fake ass people like Britney Spears who are bred to sing pre-written tunes, we will get people who have a passion for music. I will pay for their music, hells yes. Music is always going to have a material form but I think the next format will be USB drives that can double as bracelets/necklaces so people can wear them around. I'd wear that shit up. I look forward to the day when were the internet and music are known together and we get tons of great music. I want the evil record industry to die. I want American Idol to die too and MTV. I want David Cook, the guy who won American Idol recently to die aswell. He sang Hungry Like A Wolf by Duran Duran and butchered it. He just ruined it. Music good. MTV/reality TV bad.


BITCHES BE CRAZY!
-bitches do be crazy
o i forgot youza bitch!


I HOPE YOU ENJOYED MY BATMAN: GOTHAM KNIGHT REVIEW. It leaked onto the net and I saw it last night, and i wrote the review right after I saw it. It was late and I was pumped for today. I overall enjoyed it. Reccommend you check that out. I watched Sweeney Todd again today. I love that flick/musical. Depp OWNED the role of Sweeney and he belted out those tunes perfectly. I would love to play Todd in a stage musical. Sweeney Todd or Todd from Scrubs either works for me. HIGH FIVE!

SO IT SEEMS LIKE THERE IS A WAVE OF GOOD FEMALE SINGERS. Most of the stuff I'm liking that's new is mostly females. Duffy, Sara Bareillis, The Ting Tings, all good stuff there, mates. Yeah, I felt like I didn't add this to my longer blurb on music above above.


I think the WNBA would get more viewers if they made the name a little more honest.
I propose:
Lesbians


it's the 90's people.

SO I READ ABOUT THIS APARTMENT DESIGNED AS A MYSTERY. It's filled with puzzles and clues all around it in paintings and objects. These people bough a 8 mill apartment in NYC and had this guy jazz it up so the kids could be entertained. It's very complex. I'm so doing that when I get rich. I would want secret rooms and shit too. Man, it would be awesome. I would want to find like crytpographs under tables and shit that would lead with bigger clues. Fucking secret passage way too. Man, that'd be awesome.


I wish I had Indiana Jones' legos when I was a kid.

I FEEL LIKE I'M FORGETTING SOMETHING TONIGHT. I can't imagine what. I have this feeling of wanting to be done with tonight's blog. I would probably write another one later tonight though. Hhhmmm talk about puzzling. I feel pooped, babe. Honestly I do. So, I guess I'm going to wrap this up soon. Well, I hope this blog does well. I have a awesome idea for a t-shirt. It would be epic. So, if you are reading this spread the word. I need to spread the word about the book of Mormen. Lawls Jay Kay. No seriously. Please do forward this blog to your friends. Tell 'em I have cancer or some shit. Anyway. KEYBOARD SHOPPING ON TUESDAY! WOO HOO! It's going to be epic. Oh man...I'm filming Tuesday. This'll be awesome. Following me as I get my keyboard and play it. I hope I can do it well. Do it good. Not give up. Next week's going to AWESOME. Twilight Zone Marathon! AND! I'm going all out since I'm not leaving the house for 48 hours. I'm going to review EACH and EVERY episode as they air. Brief reviews like a paragraph. I always eat a bag of Mike Sells potato chips and watch the marathon every year. Ah, those are the times. There hasn't been a lot of shennanigans on the past 2-3 blogs. I need to incorporate some jokes, yo.

Well, I better wrap this up, yo. Wrap it up like little baby Jesus at the manger, yo. Word. Word.
WORD.

BABE OF THE DAY:
Sara Barelles
-She looks fine in The Bottle It Up music video. Mhmm.

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: Sara Barelles - Bottle it UP

TOMMORROW:
Nothing as of now. No shooting. Let's take it as it plays, yo.

WORD,
Lewis






My Review : Batman: Gotham Knight

THIS IS A SPECIAL ENTRY!

I AM ONE OF THE LUCKY FEW TO HAVE SEEN IT
. And let me tell you something, it's fantastic. I'm probably going to end up picking this gem up on DVD if the bonus features are great. I'm not a fan of anime at all. I mean I used to like DBZ and all that as a kid but...I can't stand toned down writing and shitty dubbing. I like Akira, though that was...wack. But this...this feels different. Overall I'm not seeing this as a anime, I see it as...Batman.
The art is beautiful. The direction is stunning. The voice acting is grand.
The writing is superb, giving a feel of the movies, cartoons, and the comics.
The Film itself is anthologetic, so I shall review according.

HAVE I GOT A STORY FOR YOU
DIRECTOR: Shojiri Nishimi

This story is told by four skateboard punks as they all give their tale of Batman. Each account consists of a jetpacked man(who I thought was Firefly) fighting Batman. The children each see Batman differently. With him being, a robot, a literal bat-man, and a shadow creature. The art for the people was just rubbish. Felt very low budget and the lip dubbing hardly matched up. Very lazy looking. This is the one I have cared the least for. I hoped they all weren't this...bad.
6/10

CROSSFIRE DIRECTOR: FUTOSHI HIGASHIDE This is by far my favorite one. The art is just so fucking creepy it goes ahead and visually shows you you're not safe. We follow two detectives as they escort a captured fugitive back to a island prison, similar to Escape From New York, filled with criminals. On the way they get caught up between a gang gun battle and need the Batman's help. Just...bravo on this one, guys. It was so brilliant. The writing is great. The characters speak incredibly well in the time we get to know them. It could easily stretch into a 1 and 1/2 hour film and still be excelent. It's like Escape From New York but with Batman. And in my book...that's fucking awesome.
9/10
FIELD TEST DIRECTOR: HIROSHI MORIOKA
This was the second weakest, closesly behind Have I Got A Story For You. I didn't dig the art at all. Made Bruce Wayne look almost girly and that's anything what he should be. The story itself feels rather...cartoonish? Bruce tests out a bullet deflector which ends up doing more pain than good. Along the way he plays golf. That's the episode. I just didn't dig it. The dialouge here isn't good at all. It feels very...I can't put it into words. It could have been better. But it just wasn't. 6/10


IN DARKNESS DWELLS
WRITER: DAVID GOYER

The
big guns get as one of the writer's of Batman Begins steps up to the plate, well he wrote the first draft atleast and collaborated on story. Still. This is a spectacular entry in this film. I enjoyed a helluva a lot. It deals with Batman tracking Killer Kroc in the sewer which leads him to finding The Scarecrow as the leader of a cult in the sewer's darkness. It all works together, the art, the directing, writing. Feels great and continues with the movie's "real world". Some great interaction , no classic, classic interaction between Gordon and Batman. I really REALLY enjoyed this one plenty of action with a great finish that sticks the landing.
8/10

WORKING THROUGH THE PAIN

I didn't watch this one. Thought it was meh from what I saw so. I passed.


And...

DEADSHOT


This was a pretty good one. The art was good, story was accomplished pretty well from the time they gave us. I would've liked to see more of Deadshot than just one short. He's a great character and I think his alter ego's character desgin was just brilliant. I loved the monocle. Anyway, it was pretty good.
7.5/10

ALRIGHT.
So, I've skimped a bit on the last 2 reviews. I started writing this last night afterall. It was a good film. Highly reccommend it. Now, stay tuned there's another entry...a great one coming up later tonight!

I AM,
Lewis

Friday, June 27, 2008

I'm A Schwinner

I DID THE IMPOSSIBLE.

Yep. I did. See, before starting my long(epic) day. I went out on my classic Schwinn bicycle around the neighborhood. I love that thing. I restored it myself in November of last year, took a while to do but I love it. I love it so much. So where was I? Oh yes! So, I'm out on the Schwinn and I brace for a curb, lifting up the front wheel, and WHAM! I do a wheelie! I keep it up for a good 20 seconds as I ride. Then as I land it down, I swerve it and the wheel screeches of awesomeness. I would've cut up my ankles from the mechanics of the bike, but I wear Converse High Tops when I ride that thing. All they got was a scratch, they've seen worse scatches and rips, but they are comfortable as hell. Pretty up-beat monolouge for tonight. I'm feeling a bit chipper. So...

LET'S START THE BLOG!

HELLO KITTIES. So, today was...pretty today. But before I get into that I want to talk about the movie and soundtrack Once. It's a incredible film that I've been lobbying for since I've seen it. The songs are just brilliant and contain a deep emotional message to them all. I'm incredibly happy that it won the Grammy for Best Original Song in A Movie for Falling Slowly. That's one of the most brilliant songs on the album. My favorite is the last track on the album, Say It To Me. It's the first song you hear in the film and it sucks you into the envoirment. I'd the worst songs on the album are those of Markete Inglova(or whatever her last name is), she just...meh. Glen Hansgard is a fucking champ and did a great job acting in the film. So good that I would cast him as Mad Sweeney if ever a adaptation of American Gods by Neil Gaiman were filmed. I suggest you go out of your way and listen to this album and see the film. It's brilliant and you won't be sorry. That is what I reccommend today.

YEAH. Today, right. Well, I woke up and had the bike ride and then I got back to my home. I had some bacon and a eggo. 2 glasses of milk and then I got a call in my cellphone from Kurt, saying they were on my way. I remembered I was going to "hang out" with Gwen today. So, he and Gwen show up. And she has a yorkie puppy in her arms. The pup's name is Sadie, she's a cute gal. So we talk for a good halfhour about this puppie and it turns out she wanted me to watch the dog today while she and Kurt did couple stuff(yuk). I really...couldn't say no, but this wasn't what I expected. The poor thing is so adoreable, the puppy. Anywho, once she mellowed out we played a little. She's so small, fits in your two hands, weighs 2 pounds. So, then she wanted to get ontop of my bed with me. I picked her up and we sat and played, watched TV for all afternoon. I didn't see Wall-E. I want to get a dog for myself now. Time flew by, people. It did. Then around 5 or so Gwen comes back to my house. I want to say it's wierd how...trusting she is to let me take care of this animal all day. All she knows I could hate dogs, but it's wierd how things work out, anyway. She comes back and sees that the dog still has two eyes and four paws, yep, I did a good job. So she invites me to come back to her house and "hang out". Now, I'm totally against going for your friend's girl and all but she can tempt a fellow. She was all "Unless your already doing something" and I never do anything. I ask if Kurt is going to be there, she says no, he's doing something else. So, I had to be honest, I had to know why she's so keen on me. She wanted to meet me. She called me last night. She let me watch the pup all day. There has to be a reason...right? So I asked her if there was something to this, and asked if she was hitting on me. And I look back, kind of roode, but I'm not one to tip toe around. She came out and said something like she's the loser among her friends(I find this hard to believe. She's smoking hot) and that she has a hard time making friends, figuring that Kurt and Chris are going to be hanging around with me a lot she might aswell too, right? Damn good reason. My heart melt like the Wicked Witch of the West. So we got in her Mini Cooper. A Goddamn Mini Cooper. It's red. How awesome is that? We went back to her apartment which is pretty swanky. She has so many books it's unreal. That's what you get for a Lit Major. I found out she's 19 years of age, one year older than me, still cool. Man, she's pretty cool. She like interviewed me almost, wanted to know everything about me. She made me feel like a true Schwinner. So we talked for about 2 hours, ordered a pizza and everything. Thought my Pokemon cap was pretty damn epic. I guess we're gal pals. I even told her I have a blog, but not the adress or anything. I'm a dick like that. Hah. We talked and chit chatted for a while. I had some good fun hanging with Gwen, she's cool like that. Around 9 she drove me home, and I wished her a good evening and headed into my empty home.

WHAT I WORE TODAY:
black button up short sleeves
grey jeans
red converse
pokemon hat
and my
pocket watch


Well, I'm seeing Wall-E sometime this weekend I guess.

BREAKING NEWS. I talked to Chris again, we set up a time. This was when I was at Gwen's place. This is really a part 2 to the above memoir. Anyway he said he's going to be at my place at 9 AM, we're going to eat breakfast at Cracker Barrell(as planned, yes!). Then we come back and shoot till 6. I'm wicked exciting. Of course I invited Gwen. I'm part of their circle of friends, that makes me happy. I've been thinking about possible questions to answer and all that. Apparently, this interview is going to be spliced in around the film. I'm also going to be showing them around the homestead aswell. I think I'm going to get a bit dressy/high fashion tommorrow. This is my film debut....Mr. Demille...I'm ready for my close up!

AX ME A QUESTION:
When are you going to buy a domain name for the blog?
-If I make it into a month worth of entries and get readers, then I shall. Alright?

ALRIGHT! So, I'm still all excited for my interview tommorrow. I've made it. I'm famous. Right. Let's pick a subject to talk about. SPECTACULAR SPIDER-MAN. The TV cartoon. It's a terrific show. I need to finish the first season. I've enjoyed it all pretty well. Greatly written. I wish I had THIS instead of 90's Spiderman cartoon when I was growing up. This has some good depth. I was reading a interview of the show's producer and I think creator, Craig Wiseman(I think that is his name). And he knows his Spidey-shit. Props to you for creating a excelent show. He said he's going to make it more mature as the audience matures too. I think that is most awesome myself.

i remember when i was
a kid
i used to
have a imaginary dog
named poochie
heart

I SAW A CRY IN THE DARK TODAY. It was pretty good. It dragged in some parts. It was a true story about the lady who said a dingo took her baby. Sam Neil fucking killed in this thing. He was just brilliant. I thought Meryll Streep was fantastic aswell. But I do think this Liddy woman did kill her baby. There is too much evidence that she did kill her baby than some scrap found in a dingo lair. She was too cold and bitchy. She's still alive, oughtta prison. She last offered advice to the parents of Madeline Mccaine(or whatever), the little girl who was abducted in like Spain or some shit last year. The parents obviously did it or they should be blammed. This shit pisses me off. There are millions of cases of children going missing and when it's clear the parents killed them like with with Madeline and Azaria(the dingo took her, pfft), that's when the "nationwide hut" goes into effect. It makes me sick almost. When they still look for these kids like 5 months after, get over it, the kid is dead. It's hard to accept but it's true. I'm all over the place on this subject. In short, the real children who go misssing get no media attention when the ones killed by the parents do. This reminds me of a favorite case of mine, Bobby Dunbar. Bobby Dunbar was a young child around 6 or so. He was going on a ride down the Mississipi with his parents in croc infested water and disapeared. He was obviously eaten by the crocs after he fell overboard. So, this whole media shit storm happened. This was back in the 30's or so. So people are looking for Bobby Dunbar. The police "find" him. It's not actually Bobby Dunbar, as this has now been proven. They take a kid from his mom who was a prostitue or really poor and say "Here's your son, looks like him atleast." The kid is terrifyed about all of this but he's brainwashed into this story. It's so fucked up I can't fully explain it. In the end a innocent man was convicted of "kidnapping". Here's the wiki article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bobby_Dunbar It's one of the most fascinating things ever. I'm at a loss for words when I think about it. Let's talk about something else.

RIP CAPTAIN KANGAROO
TODAY IS HIS BIRTHDAY
BUT HE DIED IN 2004
YOU WERE A PIMP

Let me take a break for a few minutes.
I'm listening to a Jason Mraz song.
"Im Yours" It's good.
Hold on a minute, kay?

BACK. So, watching this I Love The Millenium show. It's okay. I got no idea to do right now. I'm too excited about tommorrow. I think I'll cut it short, and maybe revist later with another blog If I'm feeling it. So, I'll leave you.

If I WERE KURT VONNEGUT
I WOULD WRITE
A
NOVEL TITLED
"AND GOD SAID HIGH FIVE!"


I'M WATCHING AT THIS EXACT MOMENT: I love the new millenium

TOMMORROW: It's going to be the best day ever. First day of shooting! WOOOOOOO HOOOOO!

I can't believe I stopped for a break and lost all my steam damn it,
Lewis



Thursday, June 26, 2008

Look At The Place!

I FIXED 'ER UP!

Yep, I did it. I made my blog look all stylish. I'm a graph designer too, if you didn't know. I've done CD Covers, logos, websites, and children. My work's all over the internet I'll show some stuff sometime. I'm planning on jazzing up this place a little more soon. Maybe a nice background? I'm planning on getting a picture of myself eventually. I know I want something black and white. Prehaps wearing sunglasses and wearing a bannana hammick? No?

LETS START THE BLOG!

MAN, TODAY WAS...DULL. Oh, somebody. Please let me have a day without it being boring. Tommorrow I'm seeing Wall - E. And I'll review that in the afternoon so look for a blog of that, bitches. But today, man, today was dull. I didn't so shit all day. I was going to go Starbucks, see if that chick I talked to yesterday was there, but I got all nervous and decided against it. I found the greatest hat ever in what was Ross' room, now it's like a muasaleum with a dresser , bed and tv. So what I found was...a Pokemon hat. The one Ash wears. It fits and is in great shape. I'm going to wear the SHIT outta this hat, amigos. So, I did nothing. I tried watching Bug's Life earlier but that didn't take. I'm pissed at how boring I've become. I used to be so edgey when Ross was around. Like when I got my tattoo, all Ross. Oh Ross, I miss my bro. No bro-fun without a proper bro, yo? I have a feeling this blog is going to be frakking long and I'll think it's terrible.

THE BABE OF THE THURSDAY IS....
SIENNA MILLER
Yeah, I'm digging her as the Baroness for the GI Joe movie. She was pretty nice in Stardust too.
Mhmmm....

SO I'M GETTING THE INTERVIEW WITH COLIN FROM THE COLDPLAYERS! Huzzah! He's a chill fellow, I'll tell ya. Chill fellow I say. He's got a fantastic voice, hypnotizing. But enough of that. I hope I can finish up the interview by this weekend and edit it and post it. Then I've got a interview scheduled with Santa Claus. Hear he is a real dick.

today,
i saw a play,
i gave the ending away,
and everyone stood and towards me,
"the beast! we must slay!"
-a original work on the spot by
lewis w.

AX ME A QUESTION!:
What is your middle name?
-My middle name is Felix. I think it's badass name.

I WANT TO TALK ABOUT PEOPLE WHO USE THE PEACE SIGN. Please fuck off and die. I see all of these dumb bitches on myspace and shit who do a ugly face and flash two fingers. Has this always been popular in pictures or did some bitch like Tila Tequila(who looks like a goblin) start it? I'm sick to death of it. Do something new. Like....The Version 1 sign or double power. Just stop using it you dumb bitches, that goes for celebrities too. I'm sick of seeing you hipster doofuses using it. And dumb bitches quit making ugly looks when you take pictures. You are normally pretty but you look fucking ugly when you do a wierd look. This has been a rant.

I think Chuck Palihunkuk
(or however the hell you spell it)
is a terrible writer
besides
fight Club.

I JUST GOT A CALL ON MY CELL PHONE. I answered it, and I'm still chatting to this person. This person is Gwen, Kurt's girlfriend. She was feeling chatty and Kurt went to his little brothers baseball game. I'm still talking to her now. She's really nice. Man, I feel like a celebrity with this call. Now if only people read this I would be all set. Right now we are talking about Saturday. She's game for breakfast at Cracker Barrel. Man, I'll tell ya now. I'd get sweet with her if she wasn't Kurt's gal. Now she's talking about Last Comic Standing, she watches it. I gotta talk about that later. She didn't like God's Pottery, the "Christian duo". They are getting old. Yep. She's got a nice voice. I really feel like a celebrity and that's awesome. Alright, I've taken 2 breaks from writing this paragraph while talking to her. And we've been talking for a hour now. She's a chatty cathy I tell you what. We've talked about music, movies and all sorts of stuff. She said she got my number off Kurt. Well, she says now she's going to bed. And Goodnight, Gwen. Okay, we can hang out tommorrow. Awesome. Plans for tommorrow. She said Kurt might be there too. I don't know where "there" is though. Prehaps my place, I guess. I love making new friends. :-D


A READER WRITES:
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST REGRET?
Good question, Miss. Well. Hmm. I guess it was and this is going to go against everything I am and will sound shitty, but I never told my ex, Sophie, I loved her before she moved away. Sappy, yes.

SO I'VE BEEN LISTNEING TO SOME NEW STUFF. This Duffy chick...she's pretty. And her song, Mercy, isn't bad. She reminds me of Kristin Chenoweth. I wuv both. I'm getting a thing for blondes. I call it Hitchcock disease. Oh yeah, Sara Barenlis or whatever, the Love Song chick, her new single, she looks so cute in her new video. Wearing the green dress. Mhhmmm. Looks purty sexy behind a piano in that video too. I thought Julie Newmar was the best Catwoman in the 60's show.

HERE LIES
CASKETS MCLAREN
1877-1931
AMATUER MAGICIAN
AND BELOVED
ZEBROBOT

MY MUSIC TASTE OF THE WEEK THIS WEEK IS...So The Coldplayers and Coldplay...again. I need to listen to something new. I may try some Fiction Plane. Listen to them. Two Sisters is the best song of theirs. Duran Duran now! Next...Monday? I'm watching the concert For Diana on it's one year anniversary and dedicating the day to Duran Duran. That's when I first found them. I love Duran Duran.

SO, I GOT A NEW SHIRT TODAY VIA UPS. I rather enjoy it. It breaths. Long sleave dressy shirt but very stylish. It's purple. It's going great with my green vest. And yes, I'm dressing like the Joker when I go see The Dark Knight. But I'm not shaving off the bear, may die my hair green though. No,I 'm not. I love Batman. But I'm hyped for The Joker more. Heath is going to rock that bitch. Yes Indeed.

if there is reincarnation
i want to come back
as a lampshade
-mark twain


SO I'M STILL REALLY EXCITED TO SHOOT MY DOCUMENTARY. Yep, I'm getting a documentary made. Hold on, I have to take a call. It was nobody, telemarketer. I want to talk about me getting a keyboard next week. I don't know how to play, I can't read music. But I'm going to do it.

YOU EVE HEAR OF THAT GEORGE WASHINGTON GUY?
ME EITHER.

SO IT'S TIME TO WRAP UP THIS BLOG TONIGHT. GETTING PRETTY LATE AND ALL. I, uh, I love you guys. I mean it. I'd come to your birthday party but...you know. I'm fucking famous. I can walk away from this keyboard and start fucking supermodels TONIGHT. I didn't mean that last one. I could only probably get a drunk girl whose ass is hanging out of her jeans at the 7/11. Listen, this blog has been terrible. I neeeeeeeed to get a good something down. Tommorrow I'm going to tell some jokes. Something. I need to do something. I'm terrible. So...I hate to do this, but I'm going to finish this up. Shit forgot to talk about Last Comic Standing. Half those people are terrible up there. The one Mary Mack girl is a copy of Maria Bamford, who rocks.

i drink your milkshake
i drink it up!
-ronald regan on the silval war

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: Maroon 5 ft Rihanna - Never See Your Face Again

TOMMORROW: Going to go see Wall-E. Then I'm going to hang out with Gwen sometime, I'm assuming Kurt is going to be there. Or else it might be sorta awkward. Then I'm going back the Starbucks and see if that girl is there. Yes I will.

Your A Mean One Mr Grinch,
Lewis


Ah Fuck It, You Get 2 Blogs Tonight

I CAN'T SLEEP.

After I wrote the blog earlier I got very depressed and bored. I decided to go out and drive around in my car. I went back to Starbucks to see if the girl I previously mentioned was there, she wasn't. Infact they had closed. I just drove back home and decided to go for a bike ride around the neighborhood. I almost got hit by a car as I turned a corner so I decided to go back to the house. I called up Chris and asked if he would want to come over and hang out. He was already doing something with someone, so that was a no. He said he'd drop by tommorrow. There's something to look forward to, I suppose. I need to get all energetic and funny again. So I'm going to preform some jokes.

You guys hear about this John Wilkes Booth guy joining the cast of Hannah Montanna? This guy needs to stop acting and do something with his life.

You see this hunting show on the Discovery Channel with Lee Harvey Oswalt? He's like...the best shot I've ever seen.

I want to start a U2 cover band called Et Tu.

Two black guys walk into a bar, they steal the TV.

Jesus that last one is terrible. I'm not racist or anything I...It's just one of my chairacters I'm working on. The guy who assumes every african american is going to steal his TV. Speaking of african americans, where is Africa-America? This whole bit is terrible. I guess it's the whole character on stage.

So I'm listening to a cover of Don't Panic by Coldplay, by my favorite tribute band out there...The Coldplayers! Give it up for those guys! I want to see if I can get a interview with Colin Jennison for this blog. There I just sent him a message asking if he's up for it. I should try a few other internet prescenes that I like, like Amanda the Aspiring TV Write and Jeff from The Totally Rad Show. Have a little segment on say Saturdays with a interview? I like the sound of that. I rather do.

we live in a beautiful world
ya we do
ya we do
-don't panic-coldplay
-

I'M GETTIN PRETTY SERIOUS ABOUT THIS KEYBOARD THING. I'm ready to learn to play it. I want to play songs I like on it and maybe be like me idol Zach Galifanakis? Both ways I need to get serious about playing a instrument. Even though I can't read music why should this stop me? It hasn't stopped me from being a golden god, has it Billy Crudup?

i've got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one
-socrates

I REALLY LIKE PRESIDENTIAL ASSISNATION JOKES. But I'm running out of people for jokes. I got maybe 3 left and then I'm onto Jack Ruby jokes and who want's a Jack Ruby joke? That's right nobody. But maybe someone with...nobody? Floating Head Doctor?

I'M FUCKING SICK OF MY TASTE IN MUSIC. I think it's terrible. I listen to fucking Coldplay so much. And Duran Duran. I don't hate them. I just think overall, I listen to the same shit over and over. I need new music. But where? I'm just sick of what I listen to. I like this Caleb Kane character, he's great. And I'm getting into Bob Dylan.

HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THIS ERIC CLAPTON GUY? HE'S GOOD BUT A LITTLE OLD TO BE STARTING OUT. BUT WHATEVER.

I HAVE ONE TATTOO. It's located on my right shoulder. It's the elvish number for 17, my favorite number. It hurt to get and I almost pissed myself in pain. I might get another tattoo. Prehaps the Lost numbers. Or something tribal on my arm. But if I got that I would have to become a rapist asshole.

hey mr.tambourine man,
in a jingle jangle morning,
i'll come following you
-b. dylan

I REMEMEMEMEMEMBER I RAN AWAY AS A KID ONCE. It was right after my mom married my step dad. I was around 7 years old. I went to neighbor's house which was about 3 doors down. He was a widow who was around 50 and he had a lot of cats. His name was Mr. Tyson, he was a helluva nice guy. He went to high school with my step dad, who was around 50 too. He agreed that my step dad was a dick. I had a foul mouth as a little kid. I hardly cuss at all nowadays in person. I've always been interested in un-solved stuff. Like murders, folklore, mysterys, and people who just vanished off the face of the earth. It's the most intersting thing ever to me. The Zodiac Killer is among my favorites. I love the film aswell. I'm immersed in that case. I believe Arthur Leigh Allen was the Zodiac but acted with a accomplis(i think that's the word). Probably Rick Marshall.


Listening to Guns N Roses, especially Paradise City, makes everything make sense.


MY FAVORITE PRESIDENT IS THEODORE ROOSEVELT.
I THINK THE BEST JAMES BOND IS DANIEL CRAIG.
MY FAVORITE SONGS IN ROCKBAND ARE:
BLACKHOLE SON
CREEP
AND THAT ONE WEEZER SONG
I'M 30% DEAF IN MY LEFT EAR.
MY FAVORITE POET IS HUEY LEWIS AND THE NEWS.
YOUR SHITTING ME. HUEY LEWIS AND THE NEWS ISN'T POETRY?

THIS WEEKEND I'M GOING TO GO SEE WALL-E.
Oh man, maybe Chris, Kurt, Gwen and I could go as a group? That'd be fun. We could hang out afterwards that'll be fun. If they say no I'm going to end up going alone. I usually go alone. Maybe if things go well tommorrow and I end up fancing that Isabelle girl, the one who works at the Starbucks. I don't know though. I'm all torn up inside emotionally. Like what a McGriddle does to you physically after a hour. You take a wierd shit.

MY FAVORITE BIRTHDAY GIFT I EVER GOT WAS:
Shit, I don't know.

MUSIC CAN BRIND BACK MEMORIES. It really does. Like Queen's Boheimian Rhapsody makes me remember when I was listening to the song and gas was $1.57. Oh the times. Spinal Tap makes me remember the past Christmas.BICYCLE BICYcLE! I WANT TO RIDE MY BICYLCE! BICYCLE I WANT TO RIDE MY BICYCLE! I WANT TO RIDE MY BICYCLE RACES ARE COMING YOUR WAY SO FORGET ALL YOUR DUTIES YEAH! ON YOUR MARKS GET SET GO! BICYCLE RACE! BiCYCLE!

BELL RING
GUITAR SOLO


SORRY ABOUT THAT HAD TO DO IT. You'll find me bursting out in song if I'm listening to it at the time. It's fun to do. I do it by ear, never looking anything up. I do it when I talk on IM's too. I have AIM. SpaceJamOnToast. Come talk to me. I can keep blogging all night, brah. I can. I've decided by the way. Someone needs to make a anthology show, similar to the Twilight Zone, but a little more...surreal. Some episodes would have historical content like Jack Black, the Queen's mouse catcher in Victiorian Times. And episode about Spring Heeled Jack. And one about Gef the talking mongoose that befriended a family 70 years ago.

MY MOM TOLD ME WHEN I WAS A KID THAT BEFRIEND MENT TO LIKE BE FRIENDS WITH SOME TO BACKSTAB THEM. And just now I got the full meaning typing BE FRIENDS. Christ.

AX ME A QUESTION:
Lewis, favorite hair color on a dame?
-Favorite? Like a strawberry blonde-ish reddish. Like Rebecca Mader from Lost has a great shade of hair. She's quite the sexy.

THAT'S IT! I'm going to create a track list of songs to listen to a post one day. It'll be a epic post. Prehaps this Saturday's? It's time to bid you fairwell, my loves. I'm going to leave you with something EPIC...Some...Madness?
Madness?
THIS.
IS.
|
V
SPARTA!

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO YOU CRAZY CRACKER? Don't Stop Me Now by Queen


Kermit the Frog loves,
Lewis



Wednesday, June 25, 2008

I Am Anonymous And So Can You!

SCIENTOLOGY IS HILARIOUS

So for tonight's monolouge I shall come out and say I'm part of Anonymous, well I've joined. I hope it's not like the Peace Core, because I have some war crimes against me but that's for another day...probably when I'm hung over. Remind me and I'll tell that story. Anywho, scientology. It's so funny. South Park hit the nail when they mocked it. Really, It's like George Lucas creating a religon. It would probably be as bad as Scientology...so. A good sci-fi religion? Something by Joss Whedon. I could buy into that. I'm a browncoat for sho. And happy late b-day Joss! BACK ON TRACK. I don't like Scientology and I will be mocking the helluva it. Look at what Scientology has done....They killed people. Ruined lives. And they killed Tom Cruise's career. The man wasn't terrible until then. And now he's unbearable. The funny thing is in Valkyrie, his new movie, he plays a Nazi or should I say a...Sci-Nazi?

LET'S START THE BLOG!

GOOD EVENING, MY PRETTIES! I've had quite the day and I know this blog is going to be a doozy. You'll go through my daily actions throughout today's blog so I shall keep this onto a certain event that happened today and...it brought back some terrible memories. But I want to...get away from them for just some time. I've realized that if they we're to make a movie of my future self in my 40's I know who I would cast for me. Ray Liotta. Me and him could pass for father and son....Wait. I've never known my dad...Papa?


SO. IF I WERE TO MAKE A BAND(WHICH I WUNNA), I WOULD NAME IT
SE7EN CAR PILE UP

NOW I'M GOING TO AVOID IT AS LONG AS POSSIBLE. So we'll just chat. Me and you. What's up?...No, I said what's up....Yeah...Cool...Hold on a minute, I really have to piss....Back...I washed my hands....I always do...How...Why don't you....So that's where the blood came from?...And what'd the doctor say?....Listen, if the Doctor keeps raping you just change-....My doctor is great...Well, she's a she so there's no raping there....Listen...I've got a blog to do and I'm pregnant.

AX ME A QUESTION:
How tall are you?
-I'm 5'8 and a half.


HEY LEWIS, WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY? Well, I woke up after a unrestfull sleep this morning. Had myself 2 Pepsis and sat around and read the news online. Then I took a shower, washed my hair, washed my beard, washed myself. Then I put on my Ghostbuster's logo t-shirt along with some jeans. Felt like a day for the cabbie hat and so I did it. I wore the cabbie hat. I got in the Oldsmobile and drove to the Olive Garden. Traffic wasn't too bad but I was a little early so I listened to some NPR. About 10 minutes passed and Kurt knocked on my window I got out and saw...someone else. It was his girlfriend Gwen. She wanted to meet me after she heard Kurt and Chris are going to film me. Man, she's pretty hot. Nice little blonde gal. So, I guess you are asking now..."Lewis, how sad of a life do you live? Don't you have a gal?" Nope. She moved away 6 months ago, almost exactly. More on that later....I'm getting teary eyed. So, we're in Oliver Garden. I stock up on the mother fucking salad 'n bread sticks. Then I order. I ordered the Chicken Parmasean, never a lose there. It was delicous. I had a glass of wine, it was a blush and very good. I don't remember what Gwen and Kurt ordered. So we started talking, we didn't accomplish anything really so we just chit chatted. Gwen was really interested in me, I guess Kurt hyped her on such a figure I am. I didn't want to ruin the first half of my novel but she made me and I told her all about my up bringing and such. She didn't know what I did for money and I dont think you do. So I guess let's get another...
AX ME A QUESTION2:
What do you do for money?
-See, Ross made me put the Christmas tree back into the attic in January, I was depending on cash from him around then. I'm up in this empty attic that he had never been into. And there was a plastic container filled with binders of baseball cards. Very old ones. I took 'em, since Ross said "Find it, it's yours" and I sold them. I got 4,500 dollars for all of them. I've been coasting on that for the past 6-7 months. I've only spent about 1 grand in that time. Which is pretty good. I don't pay any of the bills, Ross does. And he's a saint.
BACK TO MY STORY, RIGHT. So, we chit chatted some more. She's still in college as a lit major, wants to be a writer. Very awesome I say. Very. We ate and talked for about 2 hours. It was quite the blast. But it made me feel all soppy that I miss my ex-girlfriend, Sophie. See, she moved away about 6 months ago to Ontario. I had met her at ball room dance class, where I was the junior instructor about a year ago. I had just dropped out of high school then and was having a ball. I had ditched my Step Dad and my mom, well they moved too, but that's another story. Step Dad is a dick. My real dad is...Another story. I'm not gay or anything. You get so much ass at these classes it's not funny. We we're paired up together and I was to be her instructor. She was lovely. Rubbish at first but she took to it. I'm great at dancing ballroom. I can put most people to dust. Oh, I've felt quite lonely today after the lunch which was great. We're going to do it again for brunch this weekend before we shoot. So yeah I went to Starbucks and mulled around there for a hour, drank 3 coffees, large too. I just sat around and started talking to the only person working there, it was a small Starbucks, no drive through. So me and this chick started talking, she was kinda cute. If I remember correctly her name was Isabelle. We talked about the book I was trying to read, Dante's Inferno, translated by Ciarn Carson, it's a brilliant translation. I reccommend it. I'm so starting a reccommendation at the bottom of each post. Back on track. So me and Isabelle talked for about half hour about it. She had suprisingly read the translation and it was among her favorites. She was 19 and in college, I lied and said I was 19 too. She thought I was in my 20's. Because of the beard. Fucking win. Grow a beard, gents. Then a whole family came in and she had to get back into work. I told her I'd drop by and talk some more. She was a terrific conversationalist by the way. Then I came home and I decided to go for a jog, but I didn't because I got caught up with a call by Ross. I hadn't talked to him in two days so we chatted. His dad's not doing to well, but i've been praying for him. I really hope his dad wins this. Ross was doing fine himself, he's lost 15 pounds he said and he's a skinny fellow. I told him about the chicks I had met the day, Gwen and Isabelle, and he told me to pursue the latter. I don't know about it thought. The rest of the day I listened to music and tried to watch a movie, Little Caesar but I didn't find it too good so I stopped. Nothing against Edward G Robinson. And then I've been writing this blog. Every blog is a bit of a personal experince I suppose.

FUN FACT.
i'm a terrific ballroom dancer
and i'm great at billiards

CASH CAB IS FUCKING AWESOME. I love the hell outta this show been watching it recently and loving it. The host seems like a really nice guy. I know all of these questions on this show. Two douchebags didn't know the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse. The proper question was "In the Bible who are Death, Famine, War, and Pestillence?" Their answer? The Hebrews. Yep.

A NEW SEGMENT FOR WEDNESDAYS. I CALL IT....

MY CONFESSION OF THE WEEK:
I've snuck into someones house before. They never knew I was there. I don't even know who they are. But I did it.


MORE ABOUT ME. I'm pretty down tonight. I keep trying to picture how this documentary will go down. I just can't wait for the interview segment we will film I think on Saturday. I hope we take like 3 months to film. I just don't want all of this to end. I hope we film a second one someday.

YOU NEED TO SEE A MOVIE CALLED: Catch Me If You Can. It's a brilliant film starring Tom Hanks and Leo Dicap(tain american?)rio oh and Martin Sheen, Chris Walken, and the lovely Amy Adams. I give it a 10/10 and I love it. It's just sodding brilliant.

SEE I'VE BEEN WATCHING THIS SHOW CALLED TOP GEAR. And it's a great show but it's killing my language and making me talk very English. I say words like Brilliant, Sodding, Rubbish among others. It's quite odd. Oh yeah, I've perfected my New Zealand accent. Perfected it.

my future son's middle names are
indiana(after dr.jones)
and
snake(after plissken)

WHATS UP WITH STUFF?
STUFF IS UP.
AND SHIT?
SHIT'S GOING DOWN.

I better rap this up, yeah. I feel like I'm dragging on and on and on and on and on and.

oh shit i'm writing a blog.

TOMMORROW: I don't know. I'm feeling rather shitty, not sick just kinda down. I might go back to that Starbucks and see is that girl is there. I feel like talking to someone.

WHAT I'M CURRENTLY WATCHING(NOT LISTENING TO ANYTHING): This I Love The Millenium show on VH1. It's decent.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH,
LEWIS


Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The Raider of Cheap Sunglasses Online

IT'S A TOUGHIE.

For tonight's monolouge I shall share something very private to ya'll. I'm quite a penny pincher when it comes to buying things for myself with my own money. And for tonight's monolouge shall be the focus of...me trying to find a cheap pair of shades. I want something classy. Something aviator. Something very 80's retro looking. I've been looking on ebay and I've found some but it's hard to decide. I'm thinking of just...focusing on it later. I want something flashy something cool. You know...because I'm pretty hip.

LET'S START THE BLOG!

GOOD EVENING, MY 7 DWARFS. Today, I woke up late. Extremely late. I woke up at 1:48 in the afternoon. In the process I found a message on my phone from Chris saying he tried me and I didn't answer so we'd meet up later this week. Damnation. So I'm going to have lunch with Kurt tommorrow to talk some more about the doc. Chris can't come tommorrow for some un-disclosed reason. I'm pretty hyped. These guys have officially moved into my "friends" category. So with nothing to do, I fell into my old schedule. I went on a jog around the neighborhood, saw the icecream truck along the way. What-a-truck. I got me a Spiderman popcicle. It's shaped like his head and had bubble gum eyes. After the snack, I went forth with my jog. Listening to Coldplay. I love the song Don't Panic. It's great. "We Live in a beautiful worlddddd... Yeah we do!". Along the way I kept thinking of the Kelly-Hopkinsville alien encounter, the one I talked a-boot yesterday. And I thought it would make a great movie. I need to write the script someday. It'd be badass. Then the rest of the day I sat around the house. I found Ross' airsoft rifle. So...I did what any man bored out of his wits would do. I went out and shot shit. And about 3 minutes into my shooting...a white cat walked up to me. He stared at me as he walked around me in a circle. He then climbed onto the patteo furniture and laid down. I just sat down and watched it. It came up to me after a bit and I petted it. Then about 30 minutes into playing with the cat it ran off. The damn thing was cute. It was more of a kitten...I hope he comes back. I got a name for that cat, Stevens.

OH SHIT. I FORGOT TO WATCH THE TOTALLY RAD SHOW. BLOG WRITTING WILL COMMENCE AFTER I WATCH!



SORRY ABOUT THAT.
If I don't watch Totally Rad Show on Tuesday, Goblins come out and rape people. Anybody get raped? Didn't think so. Still watching as of now. So, let me watch. Alright, I'm finished with the episode. It was pretty good. I can't believe they liked The Love Guru. Come on! I thought the Gaming thing was pretty cool too. The good thing is...it gave me the....
AX ME A QUESTION:
If you were stuck in a mall full of zombies and you only had...
1. A weapon
2. A song blaring through the speakers
3.A celebrity/famous person
...with you. What/Who would it be?

Good question. My weapon would be the T-1000 from the Terminator. That fucker could fight ALL of them off. My song blaring? Rise Today by Alterbridge. That song gets me so fucking pumped you have no idea. Especially when it hits the ...I guess chorus? My celebrity would be Amy Adams. So we could chill in the Matress Outlet in the mall while T-1000 kills all the zombies. "Amy, those clothes are covered in zombie blood. Take 'em off, climb in this bed with me so you won't get cold. ...Yes, I am quite handsome, Amy. ...You want to make babies with me? Well, who am I to say no?"

AND ALL THE ZOMBIES WATCHED AS WE DID IT. Right now, I'm listening to The Coldplayers(the awesome Coldplay tribute band I spoke of yesterday). Their awesome. It's made me decide I am going to go out next week and buy a keyboard. Let's see if it keeps for a week, and I'll buy one. You know? I'm going to teach myself. Try it by ear. I can't read music theory for the life of me. They tried to make me like when I was a kid but I rebelled. I hatd it. Yes hatd. Not hated. Get with it, man, it's the 90's. But another reason why is because Zach Galifiankis does it. I have such a wierd obessesion with him and his comedy. I think it's just perfect. I highly reccomend him to you.

I'VE DECIDED THAT EVERY CITY NEED A PUNISHER. And by punisher I don't mean the police. I mean Frank Castle, THE PUNISHER. He'd fuck up those criminals that the police/government are too pussy to serve TRUE JUDGMENT to. I was reading yesterday about this girl who was abducted in Japan by a group of boys and kept in one of the young boy's houses. And the parents knew about everything they did to her. They didn't care. They eventually killed her when they set her on fire. The police found out and got all the fuckers in prison. Then this one fucker got released after 8 years. They didn't kill him for killing/torturing a young girl. Fuck, people. We NEED vigilante justice. Prison doesn't do FUCKING SHIT. KILL THESE CRIMINALS. I know what you are thinking "But what about the wrongly accused?" Who gives a shit? That barely happens in real life and if it does they certainly aren't Andy Dufrens from The Shawshank Redemption.

FAVORITE MEAL:
PASTA

SO I CAN'T WAIT TO START FILMING. It's going to be epic. Chris and Kurt said they wanted to try and get me a gig at a comedy club for the show. There are a few around here so who knows? This could be my big break. And all the good high school did for me! Heh. I think I'm losing my mind. I really do. I don't do anything all day long. I just sit around and watch TV and movies. I don't like video games. I suffer from depression and I'm taking zoloft. It doesn't do me good but the doctors think it will. People always said I was crazy or something, looks like their right. But I'm cool with it. I'm a cool guy.

THIS BLOG IS TERRIBLY DOWN TODAY. Very depressing me thinks. I want something fun. So I'm going to do a few jokes right here....

"I just don't think I'm ready yet..." was what my second girlfriend said when I tried to have sex.
"RAPE!" is what my first girlfriend said.

GUYS! I'M KIDDING! She didn't say a word because I drugged her first.

LISTENING TO SOME TRAIN RIGHT NOW.
Love that one song from them. "Drops Of Jupiter" Kicks some ass. Now I'm going to talk about myself a little more. I haven't cut my hair in over 4 months. It's pretty bushy but cool looking right now. I need to get a camera and show you.
God, today's blog is a stinker. I might aswell just end it.

TOMMORROW: Lunch: Olive Garden with Kurt. Possibly hang/talk with him for a while tommorrow. Go jogging some more. Hopefully talk to Chris. And I might have to take my car into the garage because something is leaking under my car.

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO AT THIS EXACT MOMENT: Train -Drops of jupiter

PLEASE DON'T JUDGE MY BLOG FROM THIS SHITTY ENTRY,
Lewis







Monday, June 23, 2008

Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, Tits, George Carlin is Dead

FUCK.

Last night I typed my first blog very excitedly. I was typing up who my comedic influences were and I was having a blank. I couldn't remember George Carlin's name for the life of me. I saw his face in my head, I saw him as Roofus in Bill and Ted, but no name. I said "Ah, forget it" and went on. A few hours later I checked Yahoo.com to see my horoscope and saw on the front page "George Carlin Dead At 71". I said "Shit" and read the article. He died of heart failure. I was pretty down as I went to bed. Not as bad as Charleton Heston's death, but still terrible in the impact category to me. Heath Ledger, Heston, Carlin: three people whose work I enjoyed all dead within this year. That is such bullshit.

LETS START THE BLOG!

HEY EVERYBODY! It's Monday night, almost Tuesday morning and I'm on the net(almost said on air). I'm just chilling out and listening to music. I'm listening to a pretty righteous Coldplay tribute band, The Coldplayers, who kick some ass. I love their covers of Viva La Vida and Violet Hill. The lead singer, Colin Jennison, is just great on vocals, giving a fresh voice to the song I've heard a million times(I still love it though). I give cheers to those gentlemen in the band and parade for them to create a original album. LINK: http://thecoldplaytribute.com/

LET'S TALK ABOUT WHAT I DID TODAY! So, I told you yesterday about meeting up with Chris and his crew today right? Well it wasn't as I imagined. It's just another nice fellow whose "the crew". His name is Kurt and he's going to be handling the other camera. He's a cool guy plus he was wearing a X-Men t-shirt. Points in my book, good sir. Points in my book. Then I got to talk to Chris some more, he checked out my house and according to him "a good one to shoot in". That has to do something with resell value, right? He said he wants to get a interview shot this weekend, "if all goes well". I hope all goes well. I want to start this bad boy! Kurt, Chris and I spoke about what to name the film. Kurt suggested Absolute Beginner, after the David Bowie song of same name. Then Chris thought up "Ladies and Gents...Lewis Wolfe" and "Hungry Like A Wolfe". Then I brought up the name of my blog, which I think is just clever as fuck(I'm so modest). The twosome both liked it and said we'll go with that for now. for now.


Noam Chompsky! Hahaha! Get a load of this guy! Hahaha!


I went to Barnes and Noble. I had to piss so I went to the restroom and went to the stall. And on the wall was written in HUGE letters..."GOD LOVES YOU". I guess you can spread the word while you spread your cheeks!

SO I'VE BEEN WRITING DOWN SOME MATERIAL. I've been writing everything I can think of down. So far it's not bad. Not very funny either. I'm trying to decide how to be on stage, what my character is. I don't want to copy anyone, but I keep writing Zach Galifiankis-like jokes. There's some good stuff but...not "me". I've just got to keep at it and develop my own story. You know what they say... "Ma'am, you can't get an abortion in the third trimester" . No truer words. And yes, I do have plenty of abortion jokes, so get ready.

AX ME A QUESTION:
If you had a minor superpower, such as being able to have 20/20 vision or be a great juggler. What would it be?
Well, I would have to say. I would like to have a good singing voice. I don't believe I can sing very well and no one has heard me sing, no shall they. I'd also like to play an instrument, don't care what but I'd like to do something beside cry myself to sleep. (Get a load of me!)

SO I'VE BEEN READING SOME STRANGE WIKIPEDIA ARTICLES. I came across a strange on indeed. It's called THE KELLY-HOPKINSVILLE ENCOUNTER. And it's by far the strangest UFO report I've read. It happened on August 21 1955 at a farm. The father went outside to get a drink from the waterpump, he saw strange lights and went back in to tell them of the "flying saucer" they paid no attention to it. Around 8 at night the dog started barking fiercly which prompted the family to go and look. When they went outside they saw "little green men" who floated. A shootout occured against the aliens from the men of the family. The bullets did nothing. This happened all night. It's fucking strange and creepy. I heard the music from Signs in my head as I read it. Read the rest of it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kelly-Hopkinsville_encounter

YEP, I'M PRETTY COOL. I have a beard, not a terribly bushy one, but a nice one for my age. I take great pride in my manbeard. I've been on the radio. Yep, the radio. And if you've never it been on it, you are nobody. Yep, I'm pretty cool. I've got really odd fashion. I wear a lot of pop culture t-shirts and with all the Fantastic 4 shirts I wear, I could be mistake for one of them. Oddly enough I don't care for the F4. I wear a lot of long sleeve plaid shirts. I love rolling the sleeves up. I've worn a tie with them once. Yep, I'm pretty cool. I'm hooked on my Nike 5.0's. I got a pair in brown and love the fuck outta them. I tend to wear a lot of hats. I'm keen on ones with shitty writing on them or ones from the 80's. Like I have a trucker hat that has the leg lamp from A Christmas Story on it and says "NOT A FINGER!". That's my best hat. I wear those rich black frame professor glasses sometimes. I don't own a camera, I have my picture being taken. Yep, I'm pretty cool.

TOMMORROW: Don't know much. I hope to talk to Kurt and Chris more. I'm super hyped for this to happen. Oh and I might be grilling out. I cook a mean hot dog.

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO AT THIS EXACT MOMENT: Sunrise by Duran Duran; Live At Concert For Diana July 1st, 2007

REACHUPFORTHESUNRISE,
Lewis
(PUT YOUR HANDS INTO THE BIGSKY!)






Sunday, June 22, 2008

Hello, World!

Dear World Wide Web,

My name is Lewis Wolfe.I'm 18. I'm a aspiring comedian. I'm a high school drop out. I live alone.

I have decided to start a blog for two reasons which I will now list. 1. I have been meaning to for, like 5 months. 2. After preforming at a open mic night, this guy, Chris, saw me preform. Turns out this Chris(don't remember his last name) fellow is a grad student at the city college and he was wanting to make a documentary about a random local person. I thought it was...wierd too. But he came up to me after the show, which I was only on for 3 minutes(more on that later), and he told me he thought I was great(which is totall honest truth) and we talked for about half hour in the parking lot and he asked me if I would like to be filmed for a documentary. I'm going to tell you right now, my hands were shaking and my heart pounding, so I said 'Yes'. I had to go because I'm freaking night blind, can't see for shit when it's too dark. I gave him my number and he said he would call me tommorrow(yesterday). So I've been pumped all day. We talked yesterday and I find out he's going to be hanging around with me following me for atleast one freaking month and he said prehaps 2! I'm pumped. He's coming over to the house tommorrow to talk about the "details" of it. So far I know I'm not getting paid, which is still cool. And he said he's going to submit the documentary to film festivals! I couldn't be happier at the moment. I HAD to write all this down to "express" my excitement. If all goes well I'm going to try and do this blog everyday and update on how MY documentary goes. Sure it's no Werner Herzog doc, but it's still something! Now, I have to keep you hooked. I don't know a whole lot more about this doc, but I will tommorrow. So...I'm going to talk about myself!

I dropped out of high school after junior year. I hated going and it was a waste. I'm going to be a stand up comedian, I should be...not going to high school? Anyway, I love it. I live by myself, away from my parents, in a small house in the sub-urbs. HOW DO I HAVE A HOUSE YOU ASK?! Well, it's not mine. I have a roommate, Ross, he's 24, he own the house. I'm "house sitting" I guess, and living here while he's in Ontario. His dad's got pancreatic cancer so he went to take care of him. It really sucks, Ross' dad is a good guy, and he's only like 55. Christ, this is getting depressing.

Back to me. I'm a movie buff, and my favorite movie is The Outlaw Josey Wales. And my favorite actor is Clint Eastwood. My favorite character in a movie is Winston Wolfe from Pulp Fiction for obvious reasons. I drive a 89 Oldsmobile and I quite like it. My favorite band is Coldplay and I've listened to the album half a million times. I'm a aspiring stand up comedian(think I said this already, too lazy to check). My influences are Zach Galifiankis, Stephen Wright, Patton Oswalt, Brian Posehn, Mitch Hedburg, and The Flight of The Conchords. But my favorite is Zach. My favorite author is J.R.R Tolkien and fav. book is The Hobbit. I love comic books, love them. My favorite superhero is Captain America(both Steve and Bucky[Winter Solider FTW]). But my favorite comicbook is The Walking Dead. I'm going on and on aren't I? I hate the word "dude". I love the word Sunshine. I've gone 3 days without sleep once. I've never left the country. I reside in America BTW. And live in Indiana. Maybe if I get more comfortable with you I'll tell you my town, but I don't want to wind up pregnant, aight?

TOMMORROW: I get to meet up with Chris and a few of his friends who will help with the doc. And I'm terribly excited about it all. So, I'm going to finish fixing up this blog. So...

I'M LISTENING TO AT THIS EXACT MOMENT: This Love By Maroon 5


I'm getting a documentary and your not,
Lewis